A weak point of a narcissist is their excessive hatred of being embarrassed. There’s nothing worse for them than having somebody level out even the slightest fault. Mockingly, they don’t have any drawback brazenly doing this to others.
Narcissists typically have a posh relationship with disgrace, as they try to keep up a grandiose and ideal picture of themselves. They’re extremely delicate to criticism or any perceived menace to their shallowness, which triggers deep emotions of disgrace.
Nonetheless, as a substitute of confronting and processing their disgrace, they have an inclination to venture it onto others by belittling or shaming them, in an try to guard their fragile ego. Paradoxically, this avoidance of disgrace can additional isolate narcissists and perpetuate a cycle of unhealthy behaviors and relationships.
In actual fact, one research discovered that this technique of casting disgrace permits them to really feel superior whereas minimizing any affect the opposite individual may need. It additionally serves as a approach of discounting any future feedback the opposite individual makes use of to embarrass the narcissist.
Principally, narcissists are beating the opposite individual to the primary punch. So as to keep away from being a sufferer of narcissistic disgrace, an individual wants to know what it seems to be like.
Listed below are 11 methods narcissists use disgrace to manage you.
1. They declare they’re attempting to ‘hold you humble,’ however actually, they’re humiliating you.
A narcissist will retell one other individual’s story including their very own flare of extra disgrace. This may be completed in entrance of others or privately. It normally occurs after the opposite individual has achieved some degree of accomplishment.
The narcissist will state that they’re solely attempting to maintain the opposite individual humble, however in actuality, they’re attempting to humiliate them.
2. They collect details about you, then use it towards you.
Narcissists love to collect details about an individual and retailer it away for later abuse. They use their appeal to entice an individual to share confidential particulars, particularly ones that precipitated the opposite individual embarrassment.
As soon as gathered, the narcissist makes use of the story to maintain the opposite individual in examine and always anxious about when the knowledge will come out.
3. They exaggerate your faults.
Nobody is ideal… apart from the narcissist. The narcissist is excellent at figuring out the faults of others and even higher at passive-aggressively commenting on them. This can be a approach of placing the opposite individual “of their place.”
When confronted, they typically say, “I used to be solely joking,” or that individual “cannot take a joke.”
4. They play the sufferer.
Narcissists are proficient at exasperating others after which utilizing their reactions as justification for changing into the actual sufferer. No matter how onerous the narcissist incited the opposite individual, the indignant response to the provocation is considered as shameful.
The opposite one who normally feels unhealthy for his or her response permits the narcissist to play the sufferer card, and thereby surrenders management to the narcissist.
5. They shift blame.
At any time when one thing goes improper, the narcissist shifts all the blame to the opposite individual. The opposite one who might have completed one factor improper permits the narcissist to dump greater than their fair proportion of the accountability.
6. They belittle you.
In any narcissistic relationship, the narcissist needs to be seen because the grownup and the opposite individual because the baby. This belittlement is completed in a number of condescending methods comparable to actually speaking down, calling the opposite individual immature, and saying the opposite individual must develop up.
The implication is that the narcissist is extra mature and has developed past the extent of the opposite individual.
7. They religiously guilt you.
It would not matter what the faith of the narcissist or the opposite individual is. In each faith, there are a set of requirements and expectations. The narcissist will use the opposite individual’s spiritual beliefs to guilt them into appearing a sure approach. They could even go as far to say, “God advised me you must…”
8. They declare you are ‘too defensive.’
The narcissist will use private assaults to place the opposite individual on the protection. The opposite individual will get so caught up in defending their title or character that they’ll miss the subsequent assault.
“Look how defensive you might be, you need to have completed one thing improper,” the narcissist will say. This can be a checkmate place as a result of the opposite individual has nowhere to go.
9. They discuss above you.
As a substitute of speaking down (child discuss), the narcissist will discuss over the opposite individual’s information degree. Even when the opposite individual is extra clever, the narcissist will discuss in circles with an air of authority to pressure the opposite individual into an inferior place.
They may use subtle vocabulary, bodily posturing (comparable to wanting down on the different individual), and embellishment of particulars to disguise the actual level of shaming the opposite individual.
10. They always attempt to outperform you.
It would not matter what the opposite individual has achieved; the narcissist did it first, higher, and extra effectively.
By outperforming the opposite individual, the narcissist minimizes the opposite individual’s accomplishments compared to their very own. This produces an “I can by no means be ok” feeling within the different individual.
11. Their first impressions are impeccable.
A narcissist could be very conscious of how they give the impression of being and seem to others. Often, they’re wearing designer clothes with immaculate grooming. Not a hair is ever misplaced.
This isn’t only for the narcissist; relatively, their perfectionistic look is used to demean others. Feedback like, “They do not handle themselves,” or “It would not take a whole lot of effort to look higher” are typical.
When an individual can see a punch coming, it’s simpler to dodge. Resist the temptation to assault first with a narcissist, which can solely intensify their response. As a substitute, deflect and distract to keep away from changing into a goal.
In case you or somebody you already know is the sufferer of abuse, assist is offered. Go to the Nationwide Home Violence Hotline or name 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). In case you’re unable to talk safely, textual content LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC is a number one psychological well being influencer, writer, and visitor speaker. She is the award-winning writer of “The Exhausted Girl’s Handbook”. Her work has been featured in Psych Central and Midland Each day Information.
This text was initially revealed at Psych Central. Reprinted with permission from the writer.
