As a therapist, it’s my enterprise to assist individuals get to know themselves higher. There’s a lot happening within the exterior world (job, social media, associates, household, the information) that we don’t spend a lot time in our inside world. A few of us know extra about Kim Kardashian than we do about ourselves.
This can be a drawback. If we don’t know who we actually are, then we received’t know easy methods to create a life that greatest serves us. We received’t have the ability to set boundaries or create priorities that greatest assist us. It’s more durable to simply accept ourselves if we don’t know ourselves.
It could actually really feel intimidating to attempt to discover out who we actually are.
Listed here are 5 easy psychological methods to get you began on discovering out who you actually are
1. Keep out of different individuals’s heads (so you may keep in yours)
All of us spend an excessive amount of time in different individuals’s heads, making an attempt to determine what they consider us and what would make them like us extra. Figuring out what they’re pondering makes us really feel safer. Nevertheless, once we have a look at ourselves by way of their eyes, all we’re studying is who they’re, not who we’re.
To seek out out who you might be, you’ve obtained to spend time in your individual head. Whenever you’re with another person, ask your self what you take into consideration them and what they’re saying. Take note of your opinions in regards to the scenario. Discover your emotions and reactions. That is the knowledge that can assist you determine who you actually are. Keep in your individual head.
2. Determine your values by imagining your self outdoors of your social circle
Our values are what’s most significant to us on this planet. Values aren’t individuals or issues, however emotions, experiences, and ideas — compassion, journey, and success are all values. Our values make it value getting up within the morning. They inspire us to do onerous issues. Our values paint an image of who we’re at a deep degree.
To establish your values, reply these 3 questions, and visualize your self outdoors of the affect of your social circle:
- If you got $100 to do no matter you need with, what would you do with it? What if it was $5,000? What if it was $100,000? Take time to determine how you’d spend each final greenback.
- In case you had every week left to dwell, how would you spend it? What in the event you had a month left? What in the event you had a 12 months left? Get particular.
- If a genie granted you one want, what wouldn’t it be? Two needs? Three needs? Your creativeness is the restrict.
What do your solutions reveal about your values? In case you put the $100,000 within the financial institution or requested the genie for an infinite variety of needs, you in all probability worth security and safety. In case you spent your final 12 months touring, chances are you’ll worth novelty and studying. In case you donate the $100, you would possibly worth generosity or social justice.
3. Cease over-apologizing, and determine what you are sorry for
We tend to apologize once we’ve performed nothing mistaken. Equally, we strive to not hassle anybody or be in anybody’s manner. In different phrases, we don’t take up our area. We make ourselves smaller as a result of we expect different individuals’s area is extra vital than ours. We have to cease this; we are able to’t discover out who we’re if we aren’t totally exhibiting up in our personal lives.
Whenever you cease over-apologizing, you’ll really feel the distinction. You’ll get a style of taking on your area. Whenever you take up your area and assume you might be value as a lot as the subsequent individual, you give your self the room to search out out what you actually like, what feels good, and what feels vital. You give your self room to search out out who you actually are.
4. Take a look at your relationships extra objectively
How we relate to individuals says loads about us – will we are likely to have deep relationships or are they extra surface-level? Who we encompass ourselves with is one other helpful supply of knowledge.
In case you are likely to have largely surface-level relationships, you possible don’t really feel nice about your self and assume the opposite individual additionally received’t really feel nice about you in the event you reveal something deep. Otherwise you merely don’t belief others to be sort about no matter weak bits you may reveal.
When you have largely needy associates, you would possibly really feel most dear if you end up wanted. When you have a various group of associates, you might need numerous pursuits and/or be simply bored. If your folks are usually sort, you might be prone to be sort.
5. Spend time with your self
To be frank, we completely suck at this! Our world is so busy and stuffed with distractions, we merely should not have the time or curiosity to spend any type of actual, high quality time with ourselves. It sounds boring and never almost productive sufficient.
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Right here’s the factor: it pays dividends. Figuring out who you actually are will help you to grasp your self, settle for your self, inspire your self, and have compassion for your self. It helps you change into who you wish to be.
Make the time. Plan to spend a while every week performing some type of self-reflection: journal, write down a number of belongings you’re grateful for, go to remedy, choose a workbook to work by way of, meditate, or write a letter to your self 10 or 20 years sooner or later or to your self as a baby. All of those will help you get readability about who you might be.
None of those methods are sophisticated, however they do take effort. Select one — or all! — of them to do that week. You might be value attending to know higher.
Suzanne Manser, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and knowledgeable in consuming issues, anxiousness, and reworking your relationship with your self. She has over 20 years of expertise utilizing evidence-based practices and gives particular person remedy classes, group remedy, consultations, and talking engagements.