The fifth version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Handbook of Psychological Issues (DSM) lists exactly the identical 9 standards for narcissistic character dysfunction (NPD) as did the earlier model, printed 19 years earlier. So these longstanding diagnostic yardsticks are by now fairly acquainted — not solely to professionals however to laypeople as properly.
As a result of solely the intense, or “traditional,” narcissist matches all of those standards, DSM specifies that a person wants to fulfill solely 5 of them (barely greater than half) to warrant this unflattering label.
As a place to begin, I’ll reiterate these chosen standards — earlier than, that’s, including six vital ones of my very own, which both complement or lengthen these “official” yardsticks.
My specific measures for figuring out pathological narcissists are based mostly not solely on my publicity to the voluminous writings on this character dysfunction but in addition on 30+ years of scientific expertise. This expertise contains doing private, {couples}, and household counseling with such troublesome people.
Nevertheless it additionally entails working independently with these concerned with narcissists — whether or not their distressed kids, spouses, dad and mom, associates, or enterprise associates — who repeatedly categorical huge frustration in making an attempt to deal with them.
To start, nonetheless, listed below are DSM’s necessities (barely condensed, and with minor bracketed amendments) for “incomes” the unenviable analysis of Narcissistic Persona Dysfunction:
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of limitless success, energy, brilliance, magnificence, or superb love.
3. Believes that she or he is “particular” and distinctive and may solely be understood by, or ought to affiliate with, different particular or high-status folks (or establishments).
4. Requires extreme admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].
5. Has a way of entitlement.
6. Is interpersonally exploitative.
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling [or, I would add, unable] to acknowledge or determine with the sentiments and desires of others.
8. Is usually envious of others or believes that others are envious of her or him.
9. Exhibits conceited, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes.
So what’s overlooked right here? Really, as regards figuring out descriptors, fairly a bit. And I’ve little question that different therapists might add additional to the six further traits I’ll present right here — options that, though regrettably minimized or omitted from DSM, I‘ve routinely seen displayed by the numerous dysfunctional narcissists I’ve labored with.
So, to enumerate them, such people.
Listed here are 6 lesser-known, however equally poisonous, character traits of a narcissist:
1. They’re extremely reactive to criticism.
Or something they assume or interpret as negatively evaluating their character or efficiency. Because of this in the event that they’re requested a query that may oblige them to confess some vulnerability, deficiency, or culpability, they’re apt to falsify the proof (i.e., lie — but with out actually acknowledging such prevarication to themselves), swiftly change the topic, or reply as if they’d been requested one thing fully totally different.
Earlier for Psychology In the present day I wrote a publish highlighting this supercharged sensitivity known as “The Narcissist’s Dilemma: They Can Dish It Out, However . . . ”. And this facet of their disturbance underscores that their ego — outsized, or quite artificially “inflated” — can hardly be seen as sturdy or resilient. Quite the opposite, it’s very simply punctured. (And observe right here one other associated piece of mine, “Our Egos: Do They Want Strengthening—or Shrinking?”).
2. They’ve low shallowness.
This side of their psyche is sophisticated as a result of superficially their self-regard would seem like greater and extra assured than simply about anybody else’s. Moreover, given their customary “drivenness,” it’s not unusual for them to rise to positions of energy and affect, in addition to amass a fortune (and see right here my publish “Narcissism: Why It’s So Rampant in Politics”). But when we look at what’s beneath the floor of such elevated social, political, or financial stature — or their accomplishments typically — what sometimes could be inferred is a level of insecurity vastly past something they is likely to be prepared to avow.
That’s, in varied methods, they’re consistently pushed to show themselves, each to others and to their not-so-confident “internal youngster” self. That is the self-doubting, recessive a part of their being that, although properly hidden from sight, is nonetheless stricken with emotions and fears of inferiority.
Inasmuch as their elaborate protection system successfully wards off their having to face what their bravado masks, they’re extremely expert at exhibiting, or “posturing,” exceptionally excessive shallowness. However their deeper insecurities are but discernible of their so usually fishing for compliments and their penchant for bragging and boasting about their (incessantly exaggerated) achievements. That’s, they’re consultants at complimenting themselves!
3. A narcissist could be inordinately self-righteous and defensive.
Needing a lot to guard their overblown however fragile ego, their ever-vigilant protection system could be terribly simple to set off. I’ve already talked about how reactive they sometimes are to criticism, however in truth, something mentioned or performed that they understand as questioning their competence can activate their sturdy self-protective mechanisms. Because of this so many non-narcissists I’ve labored with have shared how troublesome it’s to get by means of to them in conditions of battle. For in difficult circumstances, it’s nearly as if their very survival depends upon being proper or justified, whereas flat out (or humbly) admitting a mistake — or, for that matter, uttering the phrases “I’m sorry” for some transgression — appear troublesome to unimaginable for them.
Additional, their “my approach or the freeway” perspective in decision-making — their cussed, aggressive insistence that their perspective prevails — betrays (even because it endeavors to hide) their underlying doubts about not being good, sturdy, or good sufficient.
4. They react to opposite viewpoints with anger or rage.
The truth is, this attribute is so frequent in narcissists that it’s at all times shocked me that DSM doesn’t particularly confer with it amongst its 9 standards. Repeatedly, writers have famous that indignant outbursts are nearly intrinsic to each narcissistic and borderline character problems. And though (not like the borderline) it’s not specific fears of abandonment that carry out their so-called “narcissistic rage,” each character problems typically react with heated emotion when others carry their deepest insecurities too near the floor.
The explanation that emotions of anger and rage are so sometimes expressed by them is that within the second they externalize the way more painful anxiety- or shame-related feelings hiding simply beneath them. Once they’re on the verge of feeling — or re-feeling — some harm or humiliation from their previous, their consequent rage conveniently “transfers” these undesirable emotions to a different (and see right here my PT publish “Anger — How We Switch Emotions of Guilt, Damage, and Worry”).
The accompanying message that will get communicated by means of such antagonistic feelings is “I’m not dangerous (unsuitable, silly, imply, and many others.), you are!” Or, it might even be: “I’m not narcissistic, or borderline! You are!” (Or, in a barely milder model, “If I’m narcissistic, or borderline, then so are you!”) And if the mentally more healthy particular person has no clue as to what provoked their outburst within the first place, such a sudden explosion is prone to make them really feel not solely baffled however harm, and possibly even frightened.
5. They undertaking onto others qualities, traits, and behaviors they will’t — or gained’t — settle for in themselves.
As a result of they’re compelled from deep inside to hide deficits or weaknesses of their self-image, they habitually redirect any unfavorable appraisal of themselves outwards, unconsciously trusting that doing so will eternally preserve at bay their deepest suspicions about themselves. Getting wherever near being obliged to confront the darkness at their innermost core could be very scary, for, in actuality, their emotional assets are woefully underdeveloped.
Broadly acknowledged as narcissists by their basic lack of self-insight, only a few of them (relying, after all, on how far out they’re on the narcissistic continuum) can obtain such inside information. For in quite a lot of methods their inflexible, unyielding defenses could be seen as roughly defining their complete character. And that’s why one of the vital dependable methods for them to be ok with themselves — and “protected” on the earth they’re primarily so alienated from — is to invalidate, devalue, or denigrate others. So that they’ll concentrate on others’ flaws (whether or not or not they actually exist) quite than acknowledge and are available to phrases with, their very own.
6. Narcissists have poor interpersonal boundaries.
It’s been mentioned about narcissists that they will’t inform the place they finish and the opposite particular person begins. Unconsciously viewing others as “extensions” of themselves, they regard them as current primarily to serve their very own wants — simply as they routinely put their wants earlier than everybody else’s (incessantly, even their very own kids).
Since others are regarded (in the event that they’re regarded in any respect!) as what within the literature is usually known as “narcissistic provides”— that’s, current mainly to cater to their private wishes — they often don’t take into consideration others independently of how they could “use” them to their very own benefit. No matter narcissists search to offer themselves, they often anticipate to get from others, too (which is yet one more dimension of their well-known — or notorious — sense of entitlement).
Even past this, their porous boundaries and erratically developed interpersonal abilities might immediate them to inappropriately dominate conversations and share with others intimate particulars about their life (although some narcissists, it needs to be famous, can show a unprecedented, nonetheless Machiavellian, social savvy). Such non-public info would in all probability concentrate on disclosing details others could be apt to withhold. However having (at the very least consciously) a lot much less of a way of disgrace, they’re prone to share issues they’ve mentioned or performed that almost all of us could be too embarrassed or humiliated to confess.
Nonetheless, with an at occasions gross insensitivity to how others may react to their phrases, they’re prone to blurt out issues, and even boast about them, that others can’t assist however view as tasteless, demeaning, insulting, or in any other case offensive.
They could, for example, share — and with appreciable delight!— how they “chewed” somebody out, and anticipate the opposite particular person to be impressed by their braveness or cleverness, when in truth the listener could also be appalled by their lack of kindness, tact, or restraint. Moreover, they could ask others questions which can be far too private or intimate — once more unwittingly irritating or upsetting them. And such a state of affairs could be notably troublesome for the opposite particular person if the narcissist is able of authority over them so not responding might, virtually, put them in some jeopardy.
To conclude, I can solely hope that these further characterizations of the pathological narcissist (vs. these with much less pronounced narcissistic qualities) could also be useful in enabling you to determine them earlier than their “malignancy” does a quantity on you. And in case you’ve already been duped by their machinations or manipulations, maybe this piece can be a “heads up” so that you can forestall them from wreaking any additional havoc in your life.
NOTE 1: I’d be remiss if I didn’t level out that the narcissism addressed right here facilities on its most maladaptive, or “poisonous,” varieties. In contrast to DSM (the usual diagnostic reference device for psychological well being professionals), the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Handbook (PDM, 2006) — revered, however a lot much less well-known than this official quantity — explicitly notes that the dysfunction exists “alongside a continuum of severity, from the border with neurotic character problems to the extra severely disturbed ranges.” Moreover, “towards the neurotic finish [these] narcissistic people could also be socially acceptable, personally profitable, charming and, though considerably poor within the capability for intimacy, moderately properly tailored to their household circumstances, work, and pursuits.”
In case you assume you could be experiencing melancholy or nervousness because of ongoing emotional abuse by the hands of a narcissist, you aren’t alone. Home abuse can occur to anybody and isn’t a mirrored image of who you might be or something you have performed unsuitable.
In case you really feel as if you could be at risk, there’s help accessible 24/7/365 by means of the Nationwide Home Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. In case you’re unable to talk safely, textual content LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.
Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., is a scientific psychologist and the writer of Paradoxical Methods in Psychotherapy.
This text was initially printed at Psychology In the present day. Reprinted with permission from the writer.
