
A girl has discovered herself in sizzling water together with her stepson’s mom after she did one thing together with her stepson with out his mom’s permission beforehand. She claims that her stepson had no concern with it, and wished to take part since he noticed his stepbrothers doing the identical factor.
Now the lady is questioning if she crossed a line together with her stepsons’ mom.
The girl reduce her stepson’s hair after he requested her to take action.
Sharing her story to Reddit’s r/AmITheA–gap subreddit, the lady requested different customers if she was within the mistaken. She started her submit by revealing that she and her present husband share three sons collectively, aged 5, 4, and two. Her husband has two sons from a earlier relationship aged 13 and 10. The 2 boys cut up their time between her residence and their moms — a scenario that may trigger problems when totally different households have totally different boundaries.
Often, she cuts her sons’ hair herself as an alternative of sending them to a barber, not like her stepsons whose mom sometimes takes them to the barber. Generally her husband will even take them himself.
One afternoon, the lady was reducing her 5 and four-year-old sons’ hair, when her 10-year-old stepson got here into the room and requested if she would reduce his hair too.
“His hair was at present shoulder size and he had been rising it for some time,” she wrote. “He wished me to present him a buzzcut.” The girl despatched a textual content to her husband asking if it was okay to chop the boy’s hair. She received his blessing, so long as he received to report the large second. She studies that the boy was “very comfortable” with the outcome.
Sadly, his mom was not. “Yesterday his mother picked him up from college and noticed his hair. She instantly known as my husband and was p-ssed concerning the haircut,” the lady wrote.
Later that day, her stepson’s mom despatched her a message claiming that she had “no proper” to chop her son’s hair with out her permission contemplating that it was a “massive change.”
“I did not reply to her as a result of I did not need to feed into any drama,” she wrote. “I believed stepson was comfortable together with his haircut and that is all that actually issues.”
Nevertheless, the extra the lady thinks concerning the scenario, the extra she worries that she might have been mistaken. “If my son had a stepmom and got here residence from their home with a drastically totally different haircut I feel I may need been upset too and probably suppose that particular person crossed an unstated boundary,” she admitted.
Reddit customers had conflicting views about whether or not the stepmom crossed a line.
“You bought the okay from his dad, and he’s sufficiently old to make his personal choices about his hair in any case,” one consumer commented. “It could have been actually bizarre so that you can name his mother and ask after his dad already stated to go forward.”
“I feel all that issues is that if the stepson is comfortable,” one other consumer wrote. “It’s simply hair. It grows again.”
Nevertheless, others argued that the lady ought to have consulted together with her stepson’s mom first.
“Getting a haircut with out informing the mom is one factor however doing a buzz reduce on shoulder size hair with out not less than telling mother reveals a scarcity of respect for her as a parenting associate,” one consumer shared. “At the same time as a married particular person, I wouldn’t decide to significantly alter my children’ look with out giving my husband a heads up.”
A stepparent counselor tells us that the lady ought to have reached out to the boy’s mom and obtained her permission beforehand.
Susan Haworth, a stepparent counselor who focuses on supporting stepfamilies and establishing wholesome boundaries inside them, provided us some insights into the scenario.
“Until this dad is the custodial father or mother (greater than 50% custody), the mother ought to have been consulted on this case,” she states. “I doubt the stepmom would have performed the identical if a neighbor’s little one requested if she would reduce his hair.”
Haworth believes that the subsequent acceptable step the lady can take can be to apologize to her stepson’s mom. “Sure, it is simply hair, however the relationship between stepmothers and bio moms is a fragile one and have to be dealt with with care,” she provides.
Megan Quinn is a author at YourTango who covers leisure and information, self, love, and relationships.