A girl opened up concerning the horrendous marriage she had been in with a person that many individuals in her life assumed was a “good man.”
In a TikTok video, Kristín Guðbjörg shared that everybody in her life has been ecstatic when she married a person who outlined himself as being “good” and “respectful.” Nevertheless, Guðbjörg identified that the “good man” act was all a persona and his character was really fairly abusive.
She defined the invalidating expertise of being married to a ‘good man’ who was pro-therapy.
“You already know, I used to be married to a ‘good man’ who was pro-therapy, and I’ll let you know what that was like for me,” Guðbjörg started. She defined that when she and her then-husband first obtained collectively, everybody in her life was pleased that she’d lastly moved on from being in poisonous relationships.
She mentioned that the majority of her buddies would gush and fawn over how she was with “such a pleasant man,” regardless of that not being the case in any respect. Guðbjörg recalled the primary time she confronted her husband about how he would deal with her terribly round their buddies.
After confronting him whereas they had been within the automotive, he slammed on his brakes as a technique to intimidate her, the primary abusive tactic that began of their marriage.
“I keep in mind the primary time he advised me who I may and could not spend time with, and once I pushed again he escalated so viciously that he began hitting himself, threatened to kick me out of our house, threatened to name the cops, and threatened to empty our joint checking account,” she continued, sarcastically including, “however he is such a ‘good man.'”
She went on to record a slew of different abusive incidents that occurred between her and her “good man” husband, together with his punching a gap in a door after she closed it on him throughout a battle. When she would open up about these situations together with her buddies, they might all try to make excuses for him, telling her that she was in all probability “doing one thing to set off him,” and that each one marriages had their hardships.
Throughout their tumultuous marriage, Guðbjörg remembered how the 2 of them had gone to couple’s remedy regardless of not desirous to herself and was accused of being “troublesome” by the folks in her life. When she advised her buddies she and her husband had been going to remedy collectively, they had been all impressed by his resolution.
Picture: Picture: DC Studio / Shutterstock
“Everyone and their mama was like, ‘Oh my God, he is prepared to heal for you. My husband will not even go to remedy, what a “good man,'” Guðbjörg mentioned. At remedy, she recalled how her husband was requested to look into her eyes and discuss how his habits was harming her.
“I keep in mind seeing the resentment in his eyes as he was being advised by an expert that he was not entitled to deal with me the way in which that he had been for thus lengthy,” she continued, including that after affected by his abuse, she ultimately referred to as it quits on their marriage.
The ‘good man’ persona is commonly not what many individuals assume it to be.
The “good man syndrome” is a time period typically used to explain a sample of habits in some males who consider that being good, sort, and accommodating to girls ought to result in romantic or sexual consideration or relationships.
Nevertheless, these people typically turn out to be annoyed and resentful when their perceived efforts to be good don’t consequence within the desired outcomes. Generally, the “niceness” exhibited by people with the good man syndrome might be perceived as insincere or manipulative.
Lots of Guðbjörg’s buddies had been seemingly blinded by her ex-husband’s façade of being a “good man” when, in actuality, somebody should not should label themselves as “sort” or “good,” however as an alternative their actions ought to be capable to mirror that.
Within the feedback part, many ladies shared their very own experiences being in relationships with “good guys.”
“My good man golfed with my [doctor] and advised him I used to be a hypochondriac and to disregard me… I needed to drive myself to the hospital for inner bleeding,” one TikTok consumer wrote.
Picture: Eldar Nurkovic / Shutterstock
One other consumer added, “Yep the ‘good guys’ aren’t so good when it’s simply you and them. We did {couples} remedy too and it went just about the identical manner.”
“I used to be married to a kind of and folks had been stunned once I lastly left and advised all of them the issues he’d do to me. These closest to me noticed it,” a 3rd consumer shared.
Real kindness and respect ought to be the muse of any wholesome relationship. The problem arises when these behaviors are used manipulatively or with an expectation of particular outcomes.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based leisure, information, and life-style author whose work delves into modern-day points and experiences.
