In my late twenties, I labored for a significant tech company that provided fertility preservation as a profit for all eligible staff. I used to be single, courting, and in addition freelancing as a performer and humanities educator on the time.
Household planning wasn’t a precedence. I believed, “That’s a call I’ll make with my severe boyfriend or future husband.”
I don’t reside with remorse, however the choice to not partake in such a useful profit has been swirling in my mind. A lot of reproductive schooling is concentrated on contraception and the way to not get pregnant and little or no is concentrated on easy methods to shield your reproductive rights and the potential of conceiving.
Even at the moment, younger individuals, particularly those that are capable of turn into pregnant, are uninformed about this vital piece of well being schooling and household planning. Maybe if I had been educated and emotionally ready for the nuanced circumstance, I wouldn’t have let an costly, life-changing perk slip by my fingers.
4 and half years into my tenure with the tech firm, I used to be provided a brand new once-in-a-lifetime gig: a symphonic touring live performance in Japan as a soloist with a 60-piece orchestra. I left the tech firm to pursue my efficiency profession absolutely conscious of the ephemeral nature of theater.
Sooner or later, whereas touring Tokyo, a castmate requested “What are you occupied with doing when the tour is over?”
“I’m undecided,” I stated, “My tech firm would assist pay to freeze my eggs if I went again. But when that’s my solely motive, I’m undecided if that’s justified.”
In 2018, and after the tour, I didn’t return to the tech job. As a substitute, I targeted on performing, instructing, and entrepreneurship. That fall, I met somebody particular on JSwipe however was disheartened when he took a cigarette break on our first date. We addressed it on date two and though I knew the spark was there, I requested him to name me when he give up.
Over the following yr, relationships got here and went so household planning and egg freezing have been nonetheless not a precedence.
In the summertime of 2020, through the top of COVID, JSwipe man re-entered the image. We reconnected unexpectedly (on LinkedIn of all locations) when the key phrase “Founder” led him to my profile. Algorithms, likelihood, and direct messages led us to a telephone name. And as soon as once more the sentiments ignited. When he requested to take me to dinner, I knew we needed to attempt once more and accepted his invitation.
We fell shortly for one another and bonded over being native New Yorkers from the Higher West Aspect. He made jokes about our future youngsters and we even visited my childhood dwelling collectively. It was there that he revealed a stunning element about his prior relationship, which in the end led to our traumatic breakup.
He was married. I am not polyamorous and neither is he so it was an enormous betrayal and lie by omission. As soon as I had time to recover from the shock, I believed I may assist him by a divorce so long as that is what he wished. He stated in fact, and that he did not need to lose me however then he spiraled into melancholy and pushed me away.
I used to be heartbroken — the type of heartbroken that leaves you going to mattress and waking up crying for six months. My therapeutic journey concerned plenty of reaching out and plenty of Peloton.
Lastly, after I put myself again on the market at 34, my perspective had shifted. Because the world began to open once more, I rebuilt my life and profession. And this time, that included ideas about motherhood.
I talked to mates. I talked to ladies I knew who had executed or have been doing IVF. My preliminary analysis and an AMH blood take a look at in August 2021 helped me to grasp that my egg depend was within the lower-middle vary of egg reserve for somebody my age.
This prompted me to contemplate two rounds of fertility preservation however with out employer protection, I used to be an funding of greater than $20,000. I used to be daunted by the quantity however had a severe dialog with my mother and father who’ve at all times supported my desires.
“We’ll show you how to,” my mother stated in a loving means that allowed me to exhale.
We agreed to separate the expense and with their assist, I went to a fertility clinic extremely advisable by two mates. I dedicated to the clinic understanding that my insurance coverage didn’t cowl the price of the process, the treatment, or cryogenic storage. My plan was to begin in late fall.
Then, just a few emotional curve balls hit me and my household.
On November 1, 2021, I paid for 2 cycles, and two weeks later, on November 16, I came upon that my sister was identified with breast most cancers. Shocked, and with no prior breast most cancers historical past in our household, I rushed for early most cancers screening. (I’m cancer-free, and after many rounds of chemotherapy my sister is, too). I realized that I’ve a 29 % breast most cancers danger rating (greater than double the common particular person) and went again to my insurance coverage firm with that information. As a high-risk first-degree relative, I used to be nonetheless denied protection for fertility preservation.
Then I acquired an audition for a significant Broadway revival, which included a unprecedented quantity of prep, teaching, and consultations (i.e. extra bills and no, I didn’t get it). Plus, the Omicron variant deterred me from going out and in of the clinic, additional delaying my timeline. The whirlwind of feelings and life-altering occasions have been intense.
In 2022, I used to be lastly capable of return to my fertility preservation plan.
I went for normal blood checks and transvaginal ultrasounds. One of many greatest hurdles was the self-administered hormone injections. (Sidenote: after I watch medical TV reveals like New Amsterdam, I at all times must look away when a needle punctures pores and skin so how on earth was I supposed to present myself each day photographs?)
Enter my angel and pal who lives close to me and was concurrently doing IVF for her second being pregnant. Our each day visits solidified our friendship in a brand new and significant means.
We laughed over the absurdity that as non-medical lay individuals we had this energy and duty: mixing diluent with powder, measuring liquid in syringes, icing our pores and skin, and injecting ourselves within the strategic space close to the stomach. Apart from injection nervousness, I felt no unintended effects. No temper swings or bloating. (Was I doing it proper since everybody warned me I might certainly really feel one thing in response to the photographs?)
Whereas I suffered no unintended effects, I felt frustration with the pharmacy, the pharmaceutical firm, and my insurance coverage.
Timing one’s dosage is crucial within the course of and I discovered myself racing to a specialty pharmacy whose supply window closed earlier than my physician’s workplace referred to as in blood work outcomes.
I realized there may be an excessive amount of guesswork concerned to keep away from overbuying treatment; the pharmaceutical packaging was typically in extra of my dosages, which resulted in a considerable waste of each drugs and plastic. Further treatment that I wasn’t capable of return or wouldn’t essentially want once more sooner or later.
I spent hours speaking with insurance coverage brokers to barter my denial of prior authorization, leading to an exasperating eight-month journey with the inner and exterior insurance coverage appeals course of. Lastly, with the assist of grants, Neighborhood Well being Advocates, and the New York State Division of Monetary Companies I acquired partial reimbursement for my out-of-pocket bills.
And right here’s one other victory: My two cycles resulted in 20 frozen eggs — I name them “myrtles” — that anticipate me ought to I want them.
When the time comes, I wish to attempt to get pregnant naturally first. Whereas there is no such thing as a assure, my physician believes this reserve provides me an 85 % likelihood of getting at the least one baby and a 50 % likelihood of two.
Fertility preservation is an enormous monetary and emotional dedication and as somebody who froze her eggs at 36, has by no means been pregnant, and continues to be trying to find Mr. Proper, I hope my story will probably be a supply of inspiration, braveness, and dedication for anybody contemplating the method.
Mara Jill Herman is an award-winning, multidisciplinary Jewish artist who endeavors to abolish anti-semitism, advocates for gender fairness, and helps shield human rights. Her work has been featured in New York Jewish Week, Playbill, AM New York, Backstage, BroadwayWorld Japan, and others.
