“Textual content me if you get dwelling so I do know you are protected,” I stated to my pal Daniel as he and I went our separate methods after a celebration in one of many deepest elements of Brooklyn.
A girl passing by chuckled, “That is the cutest factor I’ve ever heard.”
She was proper.
It’s fairly cute the way in which I are inclined to mom my pals (even when they’re grownup males who discover it far much less lovely). I can not assist it. It is how I’m. I imply, I actually cluck like a mom hen by nature. I’ve no alternative however to stress and fuss over my pals.
Frankly, they’re fortunate I do not sit on them to maintain them heat and safe as I whereas away the hours of every day.
Daniel was headed for the prepare as a result of he is a person.
I do not imply to brush off the males of our species, however there are particular issues males can do with even a obscure sense of security that ladies merely can’t.
After I first moved to New York greater than 10 years in the past, I thought nothing of hopping on the subway at 1 AM after imbibing greater than my fair proportion of alcohol.
Now I be certain that to take a cab dwelling as a result of — whereas I am one of many “fortunate” ones — I’ve had sufficient shut calls to comprehend that even when I’ve to stay on ramen for every week as a way to save for the fare, that is nonetheless higher than enduring that acquainted feeling of panic that rises up out of your stomach via your throat if you sense potential hazard on a subway platform amidst the ever-present eerie sounds and shadows.
I am not wealthy. Actually, I am most likely nearer to the poor.
I do not fanny about New York Metropolis all Carrie Bradshaw-like, bemoaning my newest romantic exploits at costly eating places and actually burning cash on footwear and cigarettes. I am not that glamorous. These nighttime cab rides are as a lot of a splurge as I can handle.
Plus, if you stay in Brooklyn, touring from one a part of the borough to a different often takes a minimal of two trains and no less than an hour and a half of whole journey time, so generally taking a taxi simply makes extra sense.
Which is why I wound up calling on Uber on the night time in query.
I’m at all times well mannered in different individuals’s automobiles. On the whole, I am a well mannered one who lives in fixed worry of being judged and located missing by others. I do know many of the world could not care much less about me, however my anxiousness has by no means fairly gotten that memo.
So in Uber and taxis, I discuss or do not discuss relying on the motive force. I am pleased to sit down in silence if that’s the vibe the motive force offers off and I may even gladly make small discuss concerning the visitors for 20 minutes if that is what she or he appears to choose.
The night time of the social gathering in Brooklyn, my driver did not communicate to me apart from to substantiate my deal with and to confirm that I used to be, certainly, Rebecca.
However then he began driving the unsuitable means.
“I am sorry,” I stated (due to course, the most effective factor to do if you’re nervous about one thing is to apologize for having these emotions), “You are going West. I stay East.”
He did not like being corrected.
“I’m going the way in which the map says,” he replied. He stated it in a means clearly meant to place an abrupt finish to the dialog.
Someplace round 20 minutes later he pulled his automotive over and began texting quickly.
“I understand how to my home and I’ve my telephone on me,” I stated. “When you need assistance getting there, I may help you.”
He waved me off. “I received it.”
That is when he received on the freeway, now definitively heading even additional away from my dwelling.
He turned on the radio, checked out me within the rear-view mirror, and stated, “Do you wish to social gathering?”
And that is after I remembered my first New Yr’s Eve in New York Metropolis after I received right into a cab and the motive force stated to me:
“You are fortunate I am a superb man, as a result of in an outfit like that — you would be in hassle with a foul man.”
I checked out my driver’s face within the mirror and felt the way in which I felt that chilly New Yr’s Eve years in the past: Terrified. Embarrassed. And ashamed.
We had been roaring down the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.
Right here he’s, I assumed as he sped alongside. Right here is the dangerous man.
“The place are we going?” I requested him.
He responded, “There’s a bit of social gathering at my place, don’t be concerned about it.”
A really dangerous man.
“Pull over,” I demanded, not candy, apologetic, or nervous, simply offended and locked into combat or flight mode, laser-focused on combat.
“Pull over!” I yelled once more when it was clear he was ignoring me. I used to be obvious daggers at him within the mirror. He picked the unsuitable lady on the unsuitable day.
Or perhaps I used to be the best one. Perhaps that is precisely what was presupposed to occur.
He took the subsequent exit and earlier than the automotive had an opportunity to return to a whole cease on the very first pink gentle we encountered, I jumped out of the cab and began working as quick as I might down the road.
I heard him yelling out after me, and I didn’t cease. I did all the issues you might be presupposed to do in such a state of affairs.
I contacted Uber.
I contacted the police.
I shook with righteous anger till I spoke to my boyfriend.
After which I cried.
As soon as I used to be protected, all these different emotions got here speeding again. The disgrace. The worry. The disgrace, the disgrace, the disgrace…
“You are fortunate I am a superb man.”
No, I am not.
After I exit at night time, I should not need to cross my fingers and hope I am going to stay.
I should not need to thank my fortunate stars I made it via yet another night time’s journey dwelling unscathed.
This is not a online game. I do not relish the notion of fleeing obstacles and risks.
I solely have this one life, and I’m not going to let another person attempt to take it from me or bend it to their will.
Perhaps he simply needs to go to a celebration, as some individuals have prompt. So what if he did? I employed him to do one job and one job solely: to get me dwelling safely.
That trip might have resulted in 1,000,000 different methods.
Folks hold telling me how fortunate I’m that it ended the way in which it did.
I used to be not fortunate. I used to be good. I used to be in a position to suppose rapidly and clearly sufficient to take motion as a way to guarantee my very own security.
And all I can suppose to myself now’s that surviving this world as a girl should not have something in widespread with playing.
But it surely does. And my story is my proof.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a contract author, editor, former Senior Editor of Pop Tradition at Newsweek, and former Senior Workers Author for YourTango. Her bylines have appeared on Fatherly, Bustle, SheKnows, Jezebel, and plenty of others.
