For a while now, individuals have participated within the age-old debate of being okay with their companions having associates of the other intercourse. For some, it is seen as a pink flag, whereas for others, it isn’t a giant deal.
One man, Yohan Santana, revealed that he has a really strict rule on the subject of having friendships with individuals of the other intercourse, and claimed that he is not curious about having one other girl in his life in addition to his spouse and relations.
He shared that he refuses to be associates with ladies that are not associates together with his spouse first.
“I’ve a really strict rule on the subject of having feminine associates,” Santana started in his video. He identified that he would somewhat not change into associates with a girl who can also be not associates together with his spouse.
Santana acknowledged that some individuals could discover fault in his rule and determined to elucidate himself and the explanation why he feels that having a buddy of the other gender can be disrespectful to his spouse and their marriage.
“Primary, dedicating time to a different feminine that’s not my spouse, simply doesn’t make any sense to me,” he stated. “Quantity 2, if this girl isn’t my spouse’s buddy, it signifies that we’ve a relationship that to some extent my spouse isn’t conscious of. Inform me if that sounds applicable for a married man.”
“Quantity 3, I’d know my intentions however I’ll by no means know hers and that’s a dialog I’d like to keep away from, and quantity 4, let’s assume that every little thing is harmless, no person catches any emotions, and my spouse is okay with it. Folks nonetheless discuss,” he continued.
Santana claimed that he would somewhat keep away from placing his spouse into any embarrassing conditions, and did not need his character to be known as into query consequently.
“Now, in case you are a mutual buddy, then you definately’re welcome in my house and we’ll deal with you want household. Nevertheless, if my spouse doesn’t know you, neither do I. My brothers, we’re grown males, and it’s time that we begin to act prefer it.”
Whereas most individuals within the feedback part praised Santana for his tackle friendships with ladies, his opinion is an element of a bigger narrative surrounding gender stereotypes and the shortage of progress by males limiting themselves to solely being associates with different males.
Males refusing to be associates with ladies solely reinforces gender bias and the objectification of girls.
Many individuals argue women and men cannot be “simply associates,” claiming that there’s at all times one aspect that feels in a different way in regards to the friendship than the opposite. Often, the questionable aspect at all times falls on males.
In response to knowledge acquired by YouGov, youthful males are extra probably than older males to say most of their associates are ladies: 17% of males aged 16-24 have principally feminine associates, in comparison with 9% of males of their 30s and 40s, and 11% of males of their 60s or older.
Assuming that males can’t preserve platonic friendships with ladies due to their relationship standing does nothing however reinforces gender stereotypes. It means that males are unable to manage their romantic or sexual wishes and that every one male-female relationships should be motivated by romantic or sexual curiosity.
There’s additionally the facet of males limiting their progress as human beings by refusing to be associates with ladies. Growing significant friendships with individuals of various genders will be enriching and supply various views and help.
It is comprehensible and, frankly, admirable that Santana is continually enthusiastic about his spouse and their marriage with the utmost respect; nonetheless, these boundaries needs to be established by way of open communication, belief, and understanding, somewhat than by way of gender-based assumptions.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based leisure, information, and way of life author whose work delves into modern-day points and experiences.
