Everybody is aware of that nightstand drawers are sacrosanct. They’re in your unmentionables.
I don’t imply panties; I imply belongings you want subsequent to the mattress for a cause. Okay, high-quality: they’re for intercourse stuff.
Nightstand drawers are for condoms, lube, handcuffs, clothespins, or no matter else the women are impressed to buy within the period of Fifty Shades of Gray. (I haven’t learn it – am I lacking one thing? Jumper cables, possibly?) Anyway, these drawers are additionally house to many a girl’s finest buddy: her vibrator.
I’m not shy about the truth that I’ve a vibrator or two.
For some time, I usual myself one thing of a Vibrator Fairy. For my sister’s twenty first birthday, I despatched her a care package deal filled with enjoyable issues together with, yup, a vibrator. The saleswoman at Toyland, an establishment on the Decrease East Facet, advisable a non-threatening introduction piece, which is why my sister celebrated maturity with a buzzing, pink, plastic little bear.
I even mailed a vibrator abroad as soon as! After faculty, my finest buddy flew to South Korea to show English.
She glided by herself, didn’t communicate Korean, and didn’t suppose she’d have any potential suitors for some time.
So I did what any good girlfriend does — I went vibrator buying! I despatched her the funniest, but nonetheless, probably the most usable factor I might discover: a small, vibrating, scorching pink dildo named Jelly Jr.
She was thrilled along with her new boyfriend, er, toy. She joked about taking him out to drinks or shopping for him a jaunty little hat. I’m fairly certain that had Instagram been invented then, Jelly Jr would have had his personal account, affected by photos of him posing at vacationer websites and taking selfies in bars.
That’s typically how I method intercourse and intercourse accouterments: laughing.
Intercourse is enjoyable. Intercourse is humorous. These sorts of issues don’t typically don’t embarrass me.
Till final week when one thing not merely embarrassing, however outright mistaken occurred. One thing that did not simply break down the barrier separating Mother Jen and Particular person Jen, however stomped throughout it.
I’m a stay-at-home mother. Whereas my 5-year-old son goes to highschool, my 18-month-old son is house with me all day, on daily basis. He’s my shadow. Wherever I am going, he goes. One morning once I was lastly getting round to brushing my tooth, my son wandered out of the toilet and into my bed room.
Proper now he’s in a part the place the one factor he likes higher than shutting doorways is opening them.
First, he headed to my dresser to open and shut the doorways. Then he moved on, shuffling to my nightstand.
I used to be midway being attentive to him as I start plucking my eyebrows. I noticed him open the drawer and attain in, poking round along with his pudgy fingers. I didn’t suppose he’d discover what I buried within the again. I used to be mistaken.
He pulled his hand out, clutching my lavender vibrator. Shocked, I barely registered what he had earlier than he put it to his ear and, with a smile, began saying, “Hell-o. Hell-o.”
And that, my pals, was the day my child answered my vibrator.
Jen Simon’s work has appeared on Babble, Scary Mommy, Elephant Journal, The Frisky, Ladies’s Well being On-line, and extra.
