“Yeah, that’s a joke,” my boyfriend Stefan mentioned.
“I do know it’s a joke, that’s why I mentioned it,” I responded, making an attempt to not get pissed off.
I used to be a comic who relied on her humor to get by life — the very last thing I wished from my boyfriend was affirmation that I’d advised a joke.
And but, “Yep,” was the extent of Stefan’s response after I did or mentioned something humorous, or tried to.
What I wished to listen to was huge stomach laughs, enormous guffaws, or trustworthy laughs, however I obtained none of that. I didn’t get any compliments on my flip of phrase or admiration for the set-up and punch line of the joke.
Nothing, nada, not even the low-energy, “Good one.”
Perhaps it wouldn’t have harm a lot if he was an skilled comedian or was identified for his sensible humorousness, however that wasn’t the case.
Stefan was quirky with a genius IQ and a humorousness that relied closely on Monty Python quotes and bodily capabilities.
He was my harshest comedy-critic even when that wasn’t his intention.
After I confronted him about his lack of assist, he was shocked.
“I’m solely making an attempt to make you stronger,” he mentioned.
Stronger? How does that work?
Did Stefan assume I’d by no means have a joke land, so I ought to get used to the stony silence that accompanies a failed joke, or did he need me to get a harder pores and skin, so when the inevitable hecklers jeered at me, I’d have the ability to deal with it?
Nicely, the joke was on him. I used to be taught a very long time in the past, that one of the simplest ways to diffuse a heckler is to hearken to them and take a look at to determine what it’s they actually wished. Have been they too scorching or chilly? Had they simply been dumped by their date?
The query was what did Stefan need?
I attempted to be trustworthy with him.
“Your unenthusiastic response to my jokes isn’t making me stronger — it’s hurting my emotions,” I mentioned, hoping he’d change his perspective. However he didn’t get how hurtful he was being by not even cracking a smile, and the way each non-laugh was a silent criticism and a jab in my coronary heart.
I used to be naturally humorous and had at all times made my family and friends giggle, however with Stefan it was crickets.
Was I being further delicate to his refusal to giggle?
I used to be supportive of his odd hobbies like watching recorded automobile racing on repeat and ingesting imported beers in our non-operational automobile endlessly parked in area 23.
I couldn’t assist however assume again to Jerod, the man I’d left for Stefan. He thought I used to be humorous and powerful. He even competed in opposition to me in our division’s stand-up comedy competitors which we each gained. Jerod by no means thought I’d go for Stefan due to his off-beat humorousness and the best way he continually spoke in a pretend British accent.
Stefan had blonde spikey hair, Greek God facial bone construction, and spherical John Lennon glasses. He normally wore a classic bowling shirt, 501 denims, and high-top sneakers.
“You’re cute however you’ve got a foolish character,” I mentioned after I met him, and it was true — he was extraordinarily handsome in a punk bowler type of manner. I wasn’t drawn to him as a result of we shared inside jokes or had tons in frequent however for his retro/punk vibe. It could take me over 4 years to work out that’s not sufficient to construct a relationship.
When Stefan and I went to comedy exhibits or humorous films, he had no bother laughing on the stupidest, low-brow humor. He laughed so laborious that usually the motion had progressed, and he was nonetheless caught on the gross bathroom bit that occurred minutes earlier than.
So, I attempted more durable to impress Stefan.
I used to be a prop comedian utilizing gadgets round the home, and I developed my already sturdy sarcasm, and use of wordplay, however he stayed unenthused. Perhaps if I’d channeled my inside John Cleese or Eric Idle, I may have gotten him to giggle, however I wasn’t a Monty Python fan and the phrases felt awkward and unfunny.
Humor isn’t easy. It’s a must to have a certain quantity of intelligence and notion to have the ability to discover it and use it. Behind each joke is a little bit little bit of anger and reality.
Laughing is usually a stress reliever for each the humorous particular person and the particular person listening and reacting to the humorous.
Once you’re a comic, it’s a must to determine your viewers and play to them. However I may by no means determine what it took to make Stefan let go and giggle.
In the long run, my incapacity to make him giggle and his refusal to was one of many causes we broke up.
Now, my longtime boyfriend laughs after I’m humorous, even at my silliest puns, and my unintentional bodily humor. And when he’s humorous, I don’t maintain again — I giggle.
Neither of us is miserly with our laughter, holding onto it as if it’s gold, and that’s most likely why this relationship has lasted about ten occasions so long as the one I had with Mr. Unattainable-to-Chortle.
I is probably not stronger, however I’m rather a lot happier.
Christine Schoenwald is a author, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She’s had articles featured in The Los Angeles Instances, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Publish, Enterprise Insider, and Girl’s Day, amongst many others.
This text was initially revealed at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the writer.
