
My day as we speak was stuffed with what we name in Albanian, taksirat. It’s the reverse of kismet, which suggests good luck.
However taksirat isn’t merely dangerous luck — it is dangerous luck that was meant for you. It’s a check. A check of the power of our character and religion.
Our taksirat truly began the night time earlier than. My husband and I had introduced dwelling groceries. I used to be distractedly placing one thing away within the silverware drawer on the final second and forgot to drag my thumb out of the best way as I slammed the drawer shut.
Oh, I bear in mind. My husband selected that second to feed the cats and requested me to get him a knife to chop open the cat meals bag. I used to be irritated at his timing, as already had sufficient on my plate in the mean time. My annoyance definitely got here again on me one hundredfold.
The influence of the drawer on my joint harm a lot that I almost threw up. I couldn’t communicate for fairly some time. OK, I couldn’t communicate after I first yelled at him, saying it was his fault. After which I blamed the cats. Then I sat down and couldn’t communicate because the waves of ache started washing over me.
I’m not a wimp on the subject of ache: I as soon as dropped a big can of peaches on my foot, broke it in two locations, and walked on it for per week earlier than lastly admitting I wanted a health care provider. However this ache had me in its grip, and it was all downhill from there.
Even after some Tylenol and ice, I couldn’t sleep. The throbbing was fixed. I stayed up manner too late watching YouTube movies in regards to the newest world information which upset me much more earlier than lastly turning off my telephone.
I attempted to go to sleep pondering of the plot for my newest novel that I can’t work out the ending for. As a substitute of drifting off into dreamland in my make-believe world, my mind saved agonizing over the unknown ending. Finally, I managed to go to sleep flippantly someday within the early hours.
The 5:30 a.m. alarm was loud and early. I turned it off and rolled over. I didn’t care. I wanted sleep.
Despite the fact that I wanted relaxation, my mind wouldn’t let me. I turned my telephone again on. Dangerous determination.
I made the error of watching extra upsetting YouTube movies. Lastly, I obtained up, took certainly one of my prescribed anti-anxiety capsules which are for instances like this, and ate a bowl of cornflakes. I figured if the medicine didn’t lull me to sleep, the carbs would.
Again in mattress, I did handle a number of hours of sleep, regardless of the nonetheless throbbing hand and crushing nervousness in regards to the state of the world.
Battle appears to encompass me currently though it is just on the information. Ukraine appears so shut. Now Palestine/Israel. And for the final six months, Kosovo (the place I reside) has had constant threats from Serbia. It’s exhausting and I am not even dwelling within the battle zones.
I meant to sleep so long as I wished. I had no plans for the day. The medicine ought to have knocked me out. Apparently, my nervousness was so excessive that it simply barely soothed me. I wakened after solely a few hours. Attempting to sleep extra appeared pointless — and lazy.
As a lot as issues on this planet and society at giant appear to suck proper now, I am making an attempt to make myself keep in mind that many, many individuals have it a lot worse as we speak. My hand will heal —it doesn’t seem that I broke something — and typing is tolerable. I’ve garments and clear water to scrub them in. Even when I spill, I’ve food and drinks. I’m higher off than quite a lot of the world.
I’m grateful for my taksirat. With out the making an attempt instances, how would we ever acknowledge the nice ones?
I don’t want to take something without any consideration. I am getting older. I need to savor no matter time I’ve left — even the unsavory moments.
As I see it, the making an attempt instances show who we’re as a result of they present our character and our strengths.
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Although my nervousness is sky-high and my soul is steeped in concern, I can acknowledge that once I look outdoors, issues are okay.
I’m protected — and I am grateful for that. Alhamdulillah, as we are saying in my faith. It means “Thanks, God.” I pray for individuals who aren’t okay. My annoying day is nothing in comparison with many others’ precise dangerous days as we speak.
I pray that I’m truly the nice individual that I need to be, that I feel I’m. As a result of on the root of all the world’s points are particular person human beings, all with good sides and dangerous sides.
Most of us consider we’re good individuals at coronary heart. However are we, actually? How will we react when the chips are down? When taksirat finds us? I do know I am not excellent. I am ashamed I yelled at my husband when my ache wasn’t his fault. I apologized. He forgave me. He gave me mercy.
All of us fail. All of us fall. All of us are given taksirat. The best way to go the check in arduous instances is to follow gratitude and provides mercy. Possibly if we will all strive our greatest to do that as people, we will be taught to do it collectively all through the world.
HF Sylaj is an American author who moved to her husband’s homeland in rural Europe the place she retains a flock of chickens and tries to be taught the native language. She writes repeatedly on Medium in addition to the Fb web page “This Albanian Life.”