I hate combating with my spouse.
However the worst half about our fights — any combat, actually, with a member of the family or cherished one — is these moments after we’re not completely positive if we belief what the opposite particular person is saying. Is she actually being sincere or is there some emotional subtext that I’m simply not selecting up on?
The one factor extra irritating than combating is discovering out 40 minutes into the argument that your companion wasn’t even being truthful in regards to the factor you thought you had been combating about.
In truth, that type of “is he/is she being sincere” second-guessing obtained so irritating that my spouse and I truly got here up with an argument-safe phrase. And it’s made our (rare) fights SO rather more productive.
The phrase is “watermelon.”
No, actually. Truly, the protected phrase itself doesn’t matter. It may very well be “xylophone,” “cheddar biscuit,” or “Chewbacca.” It may be no matter you need. (I truthfully don’t bear in mind why we settled on “watermelon.”) What issues is what the phrase MEANS.
Our “watermelon” rule is that if, throughout a combat, considered one of us makes a press release, and the opposite particular person responds to that assertion with “Watermelon?”, the primary particular person HAS to verify whether or not or not their authentic assertion was true.
For instance:
PERSON #1: “I didn’t even need you to return tonight!”
PERSON #2: “Watermelon?”
PERSON #1: “… Effective. OK, sure, I wished you to return.”
The protected phrase cuts via all of the doubt and lies and you may proceed ahead, arguing about information somewhat than suspicions or subtext.
I do know what you’re pondering. “However why didn’t Individual #1 simply LIE?”
That’s the fantastic thing about the “watermelon” rule. It’s a self-policing system.
If Individual #1 lies, they’re endlessly giving up the fitting to ever once more argue, or complain in regards to the factor they only lied about. If ten minutes later, Individual #1 says, “I can’t consider you weren’t there. I wished you to return tonight,” Individual #2 will IMMEDIATELY notice that they had been lied to. Individual #2 is aware of that the protected phrase rule was not revered.
After which the entire combat modifications. As a result of the combat all of the sudden stops being in regards to the authentic argument and begins being about PERJURY.
Individual #1 lied on the stand. They took the watermelon oath and so they broke it. Within the eyes of the regulation — nicely, the regulation of our marriage — that particular person simply forfeited all the pieces. They’ve misplaced the combat, they’ve misplaced ethical superiority. It’s over and carried out. They didn’t respect the watermelon rule.
Even when Individual #1 was RIGHT, even when Individual #2 was being a jerk and deserved to get yelled at, if Individual #1 slips up and exhibits that they’ve damaged the watermelon rule, they’ve misplaced that combat endlessly.
So, breaking the protected phrase rule would possibly imply that the flawed particular person may win an argument. And nobody desires to danger that, particularly in the event that they KNOW they’re in the fitting.
Thus, as a result of neither of us desires to lose the argument on a technicality, we respect the watermelon rule.
And it’s nice.
It really works like a allure. It permits us to get into indignant debates with far much less self-doubt and distrust clouding our opinions. And we each profit from the rule current. It’s a win-win.
In case your fights along with your companion appear to go off on tangents, the place you’re every attempting to determine what the opposite particular person is “REALLY” saying, I’m telling you — it’s essential to introduce an argument-safe phrase.
Watermelon. Sidewalk chalk. Mung beans. WHATEVER.
As a result of, when you choose a phrase and for those who respect that phrase, you and your companion can begin arguing in regards to the REAL points and never what you “THINK” the problems truly are. And, belief me, it makes all of the distinction on this planet.
Tom Burns has served as a contributing editor for 8BitDad and The Good Males Undertaking, and his writing has been featured on Babble, Brightly, Mother.me, Time Journal, and numerous different websites.
