Kevin Costner’s divorce from Christine Baumgartner has turn out to be messy. Some might name it Hollywood messy. Truly, it’s been stated it’s bringing again the resurgence of the messy Hollywood divorce. I suppose there’s been a lull. Who knew? However you don’t must be a star like Kevin Costner to be ensnared in a disastrously messy divorce.
Lots of people have Kevin Costner’s again. The Yellowstone actor has acquired a loyal fan base. They imagine Baumgartner signed a prenup and requested the divorce. They simply disregard a lady with an almost two-decade-long marriage who’s a mom of three.
However there’s one thing nobody is speaking about: Kevin Costner’s youngsters.
This high-intensity Costner superstar divorce drama has centered the dialog round excessive wealth, the attractive Yellowstone actor, prenups, and the accusations of a lazy, over-indulged stay-at-home mom who deserves nothing. Why? As a result of she supposedly knew what she was getting herself into.
Right here’s the factor: Folks suppose divorce is about two individuals, and it may be in the event that they don’t have youngsters.
However make no mistake, if there are children concerned divorce just isn’t a few husband and a spouse. It’s not about taking sides. It’s not a few prenup. It’s concerning the youngsters.
It’s about grown adults doing the proper factor.
Sadly, as a result of Kevin Costner is a star and Yellowstone has upped his superstar magnetism, adoring followers can’t essentially see previous attractive John Dutton. They wish to save Yellowstone Ranch together with him. They’re circling the wagons round Costner. Costner’s spouse Christine Baumgartner isn’t going to take the ranch on their watch.
However let me inform you a probably humanizing story.
One which will take the main focus off Costner’s superstar standing. And remind us common non-famous people what divorce is admittedly about.
Throughout my very own divorce, I used to be hanging out with one in every of my boys. We weren’t speaking about something specifically. It was a random common day. It wasn’t even one in every of our extra disturbing days from the extreme monetary abuse my husband was inflicting.
Bear with me on this story. I am not essentially evaluating Costner’s divorce to mine. Nor am I suggesting Costner is being financially abusive.
I am telling a portion of my very own story to spotlight a baby’s standpoint throughout a divorce.
As beforehand talked about, nothing uncommon was occurring on this explicit day. It was a lull through the sometimes extreme divorce-fueled monetary abuse my youngsters and I have been experiencing.
There weren’t foreclosures vultures lining our cul de sac as a result of my husband wasn’t paying the mortgage. A creditor hadn’t known as. A sheriff’s deputy hadn’t knocked on our door with a warrant in debt. A repo man hadn’t invaded our driveway in the course of the night time. The electrical energy hadn’t been minimize off. Our medical health insurance hadn’t been canceled. All of this stuff have been occurring and much more however not on at the present time.
It was simply the common sadly upsetting time interval of a extremely unpredictable ugly divorce.
My youngsters’s as soon as secure house had been hijacked by their father. When my teenage youngsters complained to their dad that he was upsetting them, he blamed me. He informed my boys it is your mom’s fault for leaving me. She’s the rationale for all this monetary hardship.
After all, this could not have been farther from the reality. There was loads of cash. My husband was exercising his anger towards me as a result of I used to be divorcing him. He was utilizing divorce as an excuse for abuse.
“What sort of man,” stated my son. “Leaves the mom of his youngsters with no financial savings and no skill to retire?”
I used to be greatly surprised by his remark. I used to be additionally proud that I used to be elevating three good younger males.
My teenage son was conveying an incredible sense of injustice and proper and improper. He wasn’t taking sides between his mom and his father. He was disturbed by the conduct of one in every of his dad and mom.
Children are sensible. We elevate them to be variety and humble individuals. We educate them the distinction between proper and improper. We instruct them to stay with robust values and morals.
Kevin Costner’s youngsters are as sensible as any little one throughout a divorce.
Children know the reality. They perceive which dad or mum is behaving badly throughout a divorce and which one just isn’t.
We don’t know who behaved badly through the Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner marriage. We don’t know what actually initiated the divorce. We don’t know the internal workings of their private relationship.
What do we all know?
In the future, Costner’s youngsters are going to be grown adults. They’re already teenage youngsters who’re almost there. They love each their mom and their father as each little one ought to. This implies they’ll fear about each their mom and father, particularly throughout a divorce.
My son was a younger grownup when he posed that query to me. He was wanting on the entirety of what divorce had initiated between his dad and mom.
Costner’s youngsters are going to take a look at everything of divorce and ask themselves who did the proper factor?
They don’t seem to be going to echo Yellowstone fan feedback corresponding to, “Our mom deserved subsequent to nothing as a result of she was the one who initiated the divorce.” Or “Our mom knew what she was entering into when she signed a prenup as a younger bride.”
Or “Our mom deserved little as a result of she devoted herself to us as a stay-at-home mom.” Or “as a result of our father is rich he has no obligation to his spouse of almost twenty years or the mom of his youngsters.”
How do I do know this? I am the kid of divorce. I watched my youngsters be the kids of divorce.
In the future throughout my ugly divorce, one other one in every of my boys stated one thing to me. “This occurred to you due to us, did not it?” he stated. “It is since you stayed house to boost us.”
I can barely write these phrases whereas combating again tears. My candy little one felt it was his fault that his father had unmercifully made our divorce full of maximum monetary bullying as a result of I used to be a stay-at-home mom.
Was my son appropriate? Sadly, sure. I used to be financially weak after leaving the workforce for a number of many years to a person who managed all of our belongings. But it surely wasn’t my youngsters’s fault. It was as much as his dad and mom to do the proper factor throughout a divorce.
Costner’s youngsters will acknowledge their father as a person of huge wealth.
They’ll see how their mom was left in divorce. They’ll see the great disparity between each households.
The prenup will matter little to Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner’s youngsters. Children don’t care about written and authorized paperwork. They don’t care concerning the means of divorce. They care about their dad and mom. They fear about their dad and mom. They wish to know if their dad and mom are okay. They wish to know their dad and mom are being variety and honest.
Kevin Costner’s prenup will in all probability at some point imply little to his youngsters.
They’ll greater than doubtless acknowledge {that a} authorized doc signed almost twenty years earlier than they have been born, shouldn’t have outlined what their mom was in the end left with. They’ll perceive that their father may have stored almost each penny of his huge wealth and nonetheless have been considerably good to their mom.
They’ll know which dad or mum tried to do the proper factor.
Colleen Sheehy Orme is a nationwide relationship columnist, journalist, and former enterprise columnist. She writes about love, life, relationships, household, parenting, divorce, and narcissism.
