13 years in the past, on the top of the June Virginia warmth, we stood in entrance of our household and associates and repeated these conventional vows to one another, “To have and to carry from today ahead, for higher, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in illness and in well being, to like and to cherish, until demise do us half.”
By no means did we think about that these vows encompassed writing a ebook collectively. Whereas we didn’t get near “until demise do us half,” we actually touched on “for higher, for worse” through the strategy of turning into authors.
After The Intrepid Three: Animus Revealed was printed, the query we have been requested probably the most was, “How did we work collectively to put in writing a ebook?”
Each time we get this query, we take a look at one another and chuckle. We snort as a result of we all know how troublesome it’s to provide a simple reply to this query. How can we give a solution that explains the entire ups and downs of writing a ebook as a married couple?
The only reply is that we handled writing like how we deal with our marriage. We constructed our writing course of from the bottom up, leaned into the exhausting work of collaboration, loved studying extra about each other, and supported one another by failures and successes.
Listed below are 4 methods co-authoring a ebook strengthened our relationship:
1. We constructed from the bottom up.
We don’t know should you’re like us, however as quickly as we bought engaged, we have been informed how we should always conduct our soon-to-be marriage. Nicely-meaning folks, together with strangers, gave unsolicited recommendation on every thing from meals to funds.
Whereas not the entire recommendation was unhealthy, we discovered early on that many of those opinions didn’t work for us. Once we tried to implement these concepts into our personal marriage, they normally both fell flat or created issues of their very own. By attempting to comply with the course of others, we frequently discovered ourselves off of our personal path.
Similar to in marriage, there was no set algorithm on the way to finest write collectively as a pair. The web had many tips about the way to write as a pair, however these items of recommendation usually convoluted the method for us.
We discovered writing collectively was about constructing a blueprint of our personal, not borrowing another person’s design. If we had adopted a ready-made plan, it might have led to poorly constructed work for us. We designed our personal course of from the bottom up and created what labored in our relationship, much like how we proceed to construct our distinctive marriage.
2. We leaned into the work .
Anybody who’s married understands {that a} good marriage takes work. It isn’t the work of a job, however the particular work that solely a dedicated relationship requires — time, effort, love and assist. It’s the finest type of work, however it’s troublesome.
With yearly, the work that our marriage requires adjustments. Our relationship is continually evolving, and we strive to not shrink back from the problem and energy it takes to develop our partnership.
In some ways, writing as a married couple was like holding a magnifying glass onto our relationship. It highlighted areas that wanted enchancment. If our communication was missing, we have been pressured to speak issues by. If our persistence was waning, we needed to decelerate. If our attitudes weren’t in sync, we needed to alter.
All of this took work, a lot of work. We initially struggled with this new type of collaboration. In our minds, we believed writing ought to simply be enjoyable and never troublesome. After just a few months of gradual progress, we found the need and the advantages of leaning into the exhausting work of writing collectively. By the tip, the hassle of collaboration was only a pure a part of the artistic course of, simply as collaboration is a pure a part of our marriage.
3. We continued to be taught.
After virtually 20 years of realizing one another and over a decade of marriage, we have been amazed to find how far more there was to find out about each other. Through the years, we’ve discovered info about one another which have ranged from trivial to essential. We’ve discovered every thing from preferences in late-night snacks to which buttons to by no means push in an argument.
Writing created an accelerated studying expertise. It was a literal window into the opposite’s thoughts. We noticed the wheels handing over actual time as we imagined collectively. Once more, we discovered extra of the trivial but in addition the essential particulars that embody who we’re as people. We found every thing from who ought to maintain the pc and kind to the very best methods to assist the opposite individual’s creativity.
In the long run, the trivial and essential, identical to in marriage, knowledgeable us of who our associate is and what motivated one another.
4. We failed and succeeded collectively.
Our marriage is a collection of failures and successes even and not using a ebook concerned. In sooner or later, and even in a single month, our marriage would possibly really feel like a misstep or would possibly really feel like a victory. Some years lacked pomp and circumstance, whereas others have been crammed with graduations and celebrations. The end result of our highs and lows has continued to bind us tighter and tighter collectively.
Writing a ebook collectively, actually had its failures and successes. Some days we wrote a single sentence earlier than calling it quits. On different days, we wrote a complete chapter. Then there have been months once we questioned if this ebook would ever see the sunshine of day. These months have been adopted by the conclusion that our first ebook was getting printed.
Simply as in marriage, the highs and lows in our journey as authors made us a extra cohesive workforce.
All in all, there are such a lot of methods our relationship mirrors our writing journey.
Our marriage knowledgeable our writing and now our writing has knowledgeable our marriage. Wanting again, if we have been to assemble vows to comply with as a wife-and-husband writer duo, it might go one thing like this, “To have and to carry from today ahead, for typing, for deleting, for enjoyable, for work, within the trivial and within the essential, in failure and in success, to like and to cherish, until demise do us half.”
Brianna and Matthew Penfold are a wife-and-husband writing workforce. The Intrepid Three: Animus Revealed is their debut ebook. This work is a labor of affection enlightened by their lifelong religion journeys and numerous experiences in drugs, legislation, sufferer advocacy, disaster intervention, analysis, and kids and youth mentorship.
