By Madison Flatman
“Three phrases, eight letters. Say it, and I’m yours.”
It is a quote from a scene in Season 2, Episode 1 of “Gossip Lady.” On this scene, Blair Waldorf confronts Chuck Bass and needs him to be emotionally weak together with her, however he’s not able to open his coronary heart to her.
All through the collection, we’re mesmerized by the actors’ chemistry as we watch these two characters preserve getting pulled collectively simply to be ripped aside as soon as extra. This romantic arc is written in a method to make you consider that these two will ultimately discover their approach again to one another.
Regardless of how well-written this widespread trope is, it’s additionally extraordinarily unrealistic.
Throughout my adolescence, I used to be a hopeless romantic who spent her time studying Nicholas Sparks novels. I’d watch lots of of reveals and films romanticizing the idea of unrequited love.
I’d continuously image my highschool situationship confessing their emotions for me in a summer time downpour to the tune of an upbeat pop tune with heavy piano whereas we passionately kiss within the rain.
Nevertheless, I used to be romanticizing a model of them that didn’t exist.
Once I would get out of my head, this romantic curiosity wasn’t what I needed them to be. They might by no means say the precise issues or put any effort into the connection. I’d continuously consider the “what ifs” and marvel if possibly it simply wasn’t the precise time.
Possibly we’d be collectively if it wasn’t for “this motive” or “that motive.” Nevertheless, I couldn’t proceed to excuse what was happening. They simply merely didn’t need to be in a relationship with me.
I waited for months for this like to be precisely what I needed it to be. I continuously felt at warfare with my head and my coronary heart.
As soon as the truth of issues not understanding hit me, I nonetheless felt like I couldn’t transfer on from that individual. I used to be caught within the mindset that they have been meant for me, so I didn’t focus my consideration on anybody else.
I believed nothing may examine to them till I did have one thing to check that feeling to.
All through the subsequent few years, I continued to be keen on a number of individuals who have been as emotionally unavailable as that individual was. That’s once I began to slowly acknowledge the patterns. I spotted that I used to be getting hooked up simply as a result of I used to be falling for an idea, not an individual.
As soon as I began to separate the 2, I began to draw more healthy relationships, each romantically and platonically.
A few weeks in the past, my highschool situationship added me on Fb, and we had a protracted dialog. They advised me how they felt responsible for hurting me and making the most of me.
For me, it was a therapeutic dialog as a result of I used to be ready to take a look at that state of affairs from a unique perspective since I moved on. And I spotted that I didn’t want anybody else to really feel complete.
I consider we are supposed to cope with heartbreak and rejection throughout our lives. It helps us perceive and recognize the precise alternatives and relationships given to us unconditionally.
Because of this, I don’t consider within the “proper individual, incorrect time” principle.
I don’t consider each individual in your life is supposed to remain there. And those that are supposed to be in your life wouldn’t let something preserve the 2 of you aside.
Madison Flatman is a singer, drummer, and author from Wisconsin and a frequent contributor to Unwritten. Her work focuses on subjects of wellness, relationships, and psychological well being.
This text was initially printed at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the writer.
